It is without
dispute that at teenage years we all had “specs” of a guy or lady we would like
to date. I can remember discussing with my girlfriends in high school about the
kind of guys we wanted to date and we all wanted a tall, dark and handsome guy
leaving the short, fair ones to fate; lol. Every guy also wanted to date
someone like Omotola Jolade-the woman with the perfect figure and Genevieve
Nnaji-the pretty one. I can also
remember my cousin who would always say “I cannot marry a Nigerian lady but an Indian
lady”, but when reality dawned on him, he ended up marrying a Nigerian lady. As kids, we
all fantasized about our specs. Is spec limited to childhood days? certainly
not, even as adults we still have specs maybe realistic ones though. Some
people may disagree with me that they do not have specs but let us do a little
exercise to prove that we all have specs. Look at some pictures of your
ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, think back to when you dated them and answer
the following questions. Do they look the same or have similar characteristics?
What type of activities did you both enjoy? If more than often not you see a
pattern of everything being similar except names, then the similar thing is
your spec.
What is a
spec?
Spec is the
acronym for specification. Simply put a spec in this context is a preference or
attributes considered by a person when choosing a partner.
Is having a
spec a bad thing? certainly not. However, the bad thing is setting unrealistic
spec or basing your spec only on physical attributes. So many young ladies
attend Shiloh every year asking God for a partner and you will hear prayers
like Lord, I want a man who is 7feet tall, amazing body, blue eyes and a
dashing smile. Don’t get me wrong, it is not a bad thing to want all these
things in a man, however, the bad thing is setting your spec on only the
physical. A relationship requires more than the physical; a spec should be less
of the physical and more of the internal. Think about the content and not only
the package.
If you are
dating one particular spec over and over and things aren’t going well it might
be because you have fallen into a spec trap and you need to explore more. If
you have one and it is going well for you, no problem, specs are fine if you
are happy and healthy but if you keep winding up in unhappy situations, dating
outside your spec is an excellent way to expand your dating pool and
experiences.
The biggest
problem we have as human is that we date body parts for too long. The love you
deserve might not be in the package you desire, so be flexible. Let’s continue
this conversation in the comment section by answering these questions:
- What do you think about having a spec?
- Is your childhood spec different from the ones you have now?
It is not bad to have a spec. The only problem with having a spec is that it limits you from seeing other potentials a person might have. A spec doesn't sustain a relationship.
ReplyDeleteYeah, what sustains a relationship is truly more than a spec. Thanks Niro
DeleteI think it is a norm to have a spec about people or something you would love to share your emotions with, but it is safer to have a realistic one because one or the other it will affect your emotional intelligence if you get dissatisfied for not having the perfect spec!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, having a realistic spec is key. Thanks dear
DeleteHaving a spec isn't a bad idea but as you have written ...it's good to think about the content and not the package.
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ReplyDeleteHaving a spec is not bad depending on what quality one thinks a man should have. I see spec as Guidance...
ReplyDeleteWell,my childhood spec is definitely not different from who I have now....
You know my spec now. Ooin see me in camera
ReplyDeleteLol, baaaaaleeee!
DeleteHaving a spec is a normal thing we all fantasize about which mostly is unreal, when we actually find the one that captivates us they are different from the spec we fantasize about.
ReplyDeleteYeah, so true, that is the power of love. Thanks darling
DeleteIt's good you have a spec but there is more than spec you desire, so having spec limit you from knowing God's will for you.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, so true. God knows the perfect partner for everyone.Thanks for your contribution
DeleteMy spec wrote dis piece
ReplyDeleteLol, thanks for your contribution dear
DeleteImpeccable.
ReplyDeleteThanks Ope.
DeleteHmmm... Trust me, spec is good as it gives you a yardstick on the kind of person you want in your life. But as time passes, reality begins to dawn on us and we begin to understand that there's so much about life beyond the specs we have or had. Someone once said "if you are looking for a man who's tall, dark, handsome, wealthy, doesn't snore and the likes, then you need to enter garden of Eden and make another man for yourself" lols. I love your final statement where you said and I quote "The love you deserve might not be in the package you desire so be flexible".
ReplyDeleteLol, if God gave us the chance many people would gladly go create their own man/woman. Thanks for your contribution MAO.
DeleteI think the "spec" thing has advantages as well as disadvantages. If what motivates the spec is realistic and not 'still some childish fantasy', then it guilds us in choosing; if otherwise, it might hinder one from enjoying good and lasting relationships.
ReplyDeleteIt transcends physical qualities for me; my spec now is whoever God suggests.
Yeah, true,may God help us to choose wisely. Thanks for your contribution dear
DeleteWell considering the part of the world we are in sometimes we forgo spec coz of marriage pressure....nd sometimes u might met ds spec nd it just wont flow
ReplyDeleteBeing happy is all that matters
Life can give you lemons ur choice to make lemonades nd be happy
Sometimes d gui or gal who isnt ur spec can just bring out d best in you
Yeah, marriage pressure is another aspect of the society that needs ugent attention,it can lead one to choosing wrongly, no matter what we shouldn't be pressured to go into a life time journey which is marriage.
ReplyDeleteTrue, happiness matters the most. Thanks dear.
I think having a spec is normal, majority of us are guilty of it but we usually base it on physical appearance which will not allow us to look into other potentials. My believe is that" man proposes but God disposes" if God is not involve, it won't come out well.
ReplyDeleteYh, God has to be involved in all of our endeavors
Delete👏 👏 👏
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting piece
ReplyDeleteI once fell into spec trap tho... But there is no big deal having specs.
ReplyDeleteSpecs as said is a yardstick for to choose or unique attribute point that gives you edge to choose over others. I believe we all have specs for everything either human or non human.
Anyways I've changed my Specs overtime.
Ok, thanks dear
DeleteNice post
ReplyDelete"We date body parts for too long" . That part stroke deep. True. Like some have said ,it has its cons and pros .you wrote a beautiful piece .
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is. Thanks Larry
DeleteHaving a spec is not bad but one needs to leave the realm of fantasy and come and rent a house in the world a reality. Spec thrives in imagination, but reality may be miles away from there.
ReplyDeleteHaving a spec is not bad but one needs to leave the realm of fantasy and come and rent a house in the world a reality. Spec thrives in imagination, but reality may be miles away from there.
ReplyDeleteYeah & we shouldn't forget that reality is different from fantasies.
DeleteI think having a spec isn't a bad thing, to be honest. The reality of the matter is that as you grow old, you adjust your reality and find newly made specs. Top top post there. Keep it up
ReplyDeleteThanks for your contribution
DeleteSpec is not bad...but believing it will work is bad.
ReplyDeleteThings don't always work out the way we planned, thats life. Thanks dear
DeleteYea! Having a spec is not a bad thing, its just that having it at our teen age it's a prediction of one's desire. But as we grow situations start to show us the reality of life.
ReplyDeleteYeah, thanks for your contribution
DeleteHaving a spec is knowing what you want and how you want it but it shouldn't make you turn a blind eye when you see what you deserve in a different person. if not, na every year you go cry for Shiloh.
ReplyDeleteHaving a spec is very normal with humans it just shows that we have choices and preferences which makes us humans. personally I my present isn't my childhood spec but I appreciate him just the way he is.
ReplyDeleteNice work dear. More power to your elbow.
ReplyDeleteIt's not bad to have a spec, but in all one should seek God guidance cause his/her spec might not be God's spec for him or her.
ReplyDeleteYes, its different.
Spec Spec Spec that has landed most guys in an unhappy relationship all because of big yansh spec
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't think there's anyone who doesn't have a "spec". I think everyone has an area of "spec" you are engaging in and you love most in life. Spec helps to create an aurora of leaning the positive and negative aspect of your thought process at the end of the day and how to pass through the travials of life when next it presents itself.
ReplyDeleteThe second question: I can't even remember how my childhood spec looks like
I believe every individual on this earth has a spec even though it has its pros and cons. This is really a beautiful write-up.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful indeed
ReplyDeleteBeautiful indeed
ReplyDeleteHmmm Spec, well we all have spec, but it's difficult to expand and be flexible, you can't force what you don't like
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a spec and its not a bad thing to do so. The problem comes when you keep dating people for what they have physically( looks and otherwise) but not internally. One could go on and on with this.
ReplyDeleteNice piece
Was literally laughing at myself when reading this,those our specs of high school days,we thank God for understanding to really know what to go for in a man.Specs are not bad in themselves but it should be more of the character (inward man)than the external.
ReplyDeleteThanks Adeola,it was a nice one
Lol, as in, all those high school specs are really unrealistic. Thanks for your contribution, glad you enjoyed it.
DeleteThe thing is, we all have specs. We have different things that tickles our fancies. I think where the problem lies has to be when one is too rigid and unrealistic. It is difficult to get all you want in one person so the best is to learn to adjust. But this doesn't mean going for what you totally can't cope with.
ReplyDeleteYeah, you get it. Thanks for your contribution
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DeleteHaving a spec is like havin a list of what to buy while going to the market so as for you not to get the things you don’t need
ReplyDeleteLol, i like your illustration. At times you get to the market & you see things you need & didn't remember to include in your list so its always better you hold extra money, in other words leave room for exploration when choosing your spec. Thanks for your contribution dear.
DeleteHaving spec is boring and not healthy. "Experience is the best teacher" they say. Trying different spec help. I love this Olayele Adeola.
ReplyDeleteThanks dear, having a spec might nt b boring but not wanting to explore is not good enough. Thanks for your contribution.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful, having a spec is ok, to help guide what you want in a partner. However, it should not determine who to settle with because, one person cannot have everything we want. We are made to complement each other.
ReplyDeleteTime is a Concealer and Revealer. Everything gets clearer with time. Thanks dear for the write-up.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing write-up
ReplyDelete